Review by Chris Rennirt

ZOMBEAVERS is either exactly what you think it is, or the total opposite, depending on your mind’s location–in short shorts and bikini-bottoms, or in the beaver damn, zoologically speaking. For the review, I’ll at least reveal the possibilities of meanings. Zombeavers are of the feral, damn-building kind, with a flat tail, living in colonies, in ponds, lakes, rivers, and marshes. But, since this is horror, as the title suggests, these beavers are also (you guessed it) zombies! And even with that, I haven’t spoiled much. What goes beyond the obvious is far more than you’d imagine.  What could be a clichéd tale of twenty-something coeds on break going face to face (or skin to tooth) with nature gone amok, adds blood-drawing, limb-gnawing surprises, and humor galore. From the producers of American Pie, Cabin Fever, and The Ring comes another DAM good movie (beaver pun intended)!

WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT?

Those coeds–three beautiful, twenty-something young ladies–travel to a secluded cabin in the woods (yes, here we go again), for a vaginas-only weekend away from the boys. Little do they know, a toxic-waste calamity and testicular invasion unmatched in the annals of horror retreads and reboots awaits. While the girls brood over cheating boyfriends and wonder what they’ll do without cellphone service, a horde of zombified beavers are the worst of their worries. “A cult classic already,” you say? Maybe. But does it have the other essentials–gratuitous nudity, sex, blood and gore galore, 80s-style special effects, corny-but-memorable quotes, the Holy Grail of a Blu-ray with all the extras? Read on!

NUDITY?

Oh yeah! And it doesn’t take long. And that’s why I’m covering it (or uncovering it) sooner rather than later. (My guess is that if you’re reading a review about Zombeavers, you expect a nudity report anyway.) Within the first 15 minutes, a nubile bikini-clad brunette ditches her top, providing exactly the gratuitous element the movie needs to be the cliche it parodies. The look on her face even says, “Come on, look at me…I’m topless!” Conveniently, her top is even, inaccessibly, on the other side of the pond; and yes, she even says that. No, she’s not letting an opportunity to sunbathe and get no tan lines go to waste. And, as another soon-to-be beaver-encountering beauty in the trio says, “We’re just lucky she kept her bottoms on.” The initial, damn-quick nudity suggests lots more, but is there? Is Zombeavers strategically nuked with breasts in the beginning, only to show short shorts and underwear thereafter? Yes! But who cares? The amazingly beautiful Cortney Palm has already dropped MOAB (the “Mother of All [Breast] Bombs”). And yes, I am writing this from a slightly (and sometimes heavily) male, heterosexual perspective. Sorry, but sometimes I just can’t help it.

SEX AND SEXUAL LANGUAGE?

Oh yeah, again! While the nudity is not consistent after the beginning, the sexual situations, language, and profanity are copious from minute one of the movie’s running time to the end. Lots of cussing, sexual jokes and innuendoes there are, references to sexual body parts and sexual acts, as well as overt and noisy sex scenes–especially for a movie only rated R. And what’s better (if you like that sort of thing) is that only the occasional misfires occur with sexual humor; the jokes are mostly funny, with few falling flat…at least not with me. And about it being better with this “sort of thing,” you’re still reading the review, aren’t you?

BLOOD AND GORE?

Yes! There will be blood…and a DAM lot of it too! There will be biting, gnawing, stabbing, hacking, chopping, slashing, decapitation, dismemberment, ocular trauma, and genital eating (and no, not in a sexual way)–sick yes, but seemingly delicious! If I left anything out, throw it in yourself right here. As for bloody violence, about everything and the kitchen sink is thrown in. And what a bloody sink it is! In one of the most gore-filled payback attacks ever filmed, Zombeavers gives new meaning to “chewing wood.”  And a fully-engorged member of the B-movie horror/zombie genre it certainly is!

SPECIAL EFFECTS?

As for the animatronic beavers, they are cheesy…but endearingly cheesy. Despite the cheese, I loved them anyway. They are ironically cute, as zombies go; being less than realistic (actually humorous in appearance), they make the movie even more of a dark comedy success. In a film that doesn’t take itself seriously…not one DAM bit (beaver pun intended again), cute-but-ferocious, animatronic beavers are just what’s needed. In a movie attempting to be serious, they would never have worked. In Zombeavers, it works perfectly.

As for special effects otherwise, aside from some obvious (and somewhat disappointing) CGI blood splatters, everything is practical and in-your-face real. Anything that misses the mark–like an obviously fake severed foot–doesn’t detract. Compared to the cute and cheesy beavers as the standard, nothing is too fake to stand out. Beaver prosthetics otherwise (I’ll leave it at that to avoid a spoiler) are as good as the best 80s effects…and that’s a great thing. Oh, how I love 80s horror) And oh, how Zombeavers checks off another box on the cult-classic rubric.

ACTING?

And why did I not answer that question earlier? Why did I not place acting at the beginning, making it the pinnacle of importance, elevating my review to a higher theatrical standard? Simple! Acting is not the highest level of importance in this movie, not for most people who watch it anyway. Also, because this, if you don’t already know, is not a movie of “higher theatrical standard,” with any such aspirations to be so! This is a movie about nudity, sex, young people talking about sex and their sexual organs, blood and gore, special effects, and most original creatures of undead terror–zombeavers. While important, acting is just not at the top of the food chain for those who watch this one…and that’s a good thing…mostly.

The whole cast is, however, obviously good at acting, totally professional actually. The drama in the film (while scarce), as well as the comedic lines, were pulled off without a hitch by all, proving it well. Intentionally, and for the script, all actors ham it up, with lots of cheese, doing a great job of it too. It takes a good actor to pretend convincingly–especially when piling on the ham–maybe even more so in exaggerating reactions to a cheesy reality. In Zombeavers, all actors do it DAM well! (Beaver pun intended again!)

For me, the only familiar actor in the movie was Cortney Palm. Previously, I have seen her in The Dark Tapes (check out my review of that here on SJR) and as the Sushi Girl herself in the movie Sushi Girl. Palm, probably the most well-known actor in Zombeavers, is a standout, stealing the show in many scenes, particularly within the movie’s first, earlier-mentioned, nudity-packed 15 minutes! (Yes, she is that girl who nukes us with unexpected, gratuitous nakedness.) Otherwise, Palm’s performance–yes, her acting–is spot on; she develops, with ease, a most irreverent, sexual, ass-kicking character, not just an airheaded stereotype important for her topless scene–most anticipated, even in repeated viewings. Wink, wink!

As for the other equally-good actors, the movie also stars Rachel Melvin (as Mary), Lexi Atkins (as Jenn), Hutch Dano (as Sam, the guy every girl seems to want…for some reason), Jake Weary (as Tommy), Peter Gilroy (as Buck), Rex Linn (as the local hunter/trapper, Smyth), Brent Briscoe (as Winston Gregorson), and Phyllis Katz (as Myrne Gregorson). Also featured are hilarious cameos by comedians Bill Burr and John Mayer.

Beavers? “All I know is they’re fat rats with big, stupid-ass teeth.” ~ Zoe

Rachel Melvin (with her head-turning spectacles) adds the sexy librarian on steroids to the beaver pond. Lexi Atkins adds the sultry blonde always in short shorts, if not a bikini, and easily the best beaver in the movie (And no, that’s actually not a sexual reference!), and her tail will prove it (again, not sexual). Peter Gilroy (as Tommy) makes me think of my favorite actor Tim Curry, in every scene; yes, if Gilroy channels his Tim Curry, making Tim’s awesomeness his own, he is destined for greatness without effort! Gilroy is also, without a doubt the funniest character in the movie, delivering some of the best lines…or perhaps it is mostly the way he delivers them. Rex Lin (as the trapper) is a secondary character taking a primary role through the power of his backwoods, tobacco-spitting performance. In every scene, you can’t help but pay more attention to Lin than the script likely expected–unless Cortney Palm is in the scene with him (Wink, wink again!). Another unexpected standout is a bit part by Brent Briscoe (as Mr. Gregorson). His line about why he shouldn’t go check on a party with lots of young, college coeds is priceless! And his cameo with the beavers is pretty DAM funny too!

And to redeem my comment about acting here being not as important, I did spend the most time writing about it!

BLURAY SPECIAL FEATURES? AND ANYTHING ELSE?

Hell yes! There are many more, and they are well worth your time…and money, if you buy the Blu-ray. Included are deleted scenes, cast and crew commentary options, a behind-the-scenes cameo featuring Stephen Merchant (and it’s really funny), audition reels for the movie’s actors, as well as the movie’s international and domestic trailers. The audition footage further proves the actor talents, making it more than obvious why all were chosen. A featurette about the animatronic beavers details the creation of the “hero” beaver, from its furless beginnings to its fully articulated, chisel-toothed completion.

“Would you rather never be able to use a tampon, or never be able to use lipstick?” ~ Jenn

For a recommended extension of the belly-laugh-a-minute beginning, don’t miss the deleted scenes with the truck drivers from the Mamaroneck Medical Research Facility. Obviously, they deleted it simply because it was too long for the opening (not for lack of humor), but it’s well worth checking out in the bluray’s special features. Finally, watch Zombeavers on into the credits, until the disc returns to the main menu. There are some great bloopers at the end, and the original song for the movie is hilarious! While not quite the “Holy Grail” of Blu-ray discs and extras, it’s a “dam” good start…especially being the actual first one, since it’s original release date in 2014.

FAVORITE QUOTES FROM ZOMBEAEVERS

Beavers? “All I know is they’re fat rats with big, stupid-ass teeth.” ~ Zoe

“Would you rather never be able to use a tampon, or never be able to use lipstick?” ~ Jenn

“Hey serial killers! We got three hot babes in here who haven’t had sex in a really long time.” ~ Zoe

“Whatever these beavers got out here, I ain’t seen nothin’ like it before.” ~ Smyth

FINAL THOUGHTS AND CONCLUSION

Zombeavers is delightfully gory, infectiously funny, self-aware camp and fun, with expected, in-your-face sex, uber-gratuitous female nudity (possibly the ultimate bare breasts), crude potty jokes, and references to sex, sex, and more sex. As a bonus, if not a highlight, there are lots of beavers too! A solid seven-rocket satisfier at Space Jockey Reviews it is. I loved every DAM minute of it!

Chris Rennirt (the author of this review) is a movie critic and writer in Louisville, Kentucky, as well as editor in chief at Space Jockey Reviews.  He has been a judge at many film festivals, including Macabre Faire Film Festival and Crimson Screen Film Fest, and he attends horror and sci-fi conventions often.  Chris’ movie reviews, articles, and interviews are published regularly on Space Jockey Reviews and in Effective Magazine.  His mission statement (describing his goals as a movie critic and philosophy for review writing) can be found on the “Mission” page, here at SJR.