The VelociPastor: A Man of the Claw

Get your pickaxes poised! A man of the cloth turns Jurassic in Wild Eye Releasing’s The VelociPastor, written and directed by Brendan Steere!

What’s it all about? After a devastating family tragedy, a priest travels to China to find deeper spirituality, but instead is endowed with an ancient ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first, he is horrified by his newfound superpower, but a local prostitute convinces him to use his gift to fight evil – and ninjas! Gregory James Cohan (as the priest), Alyssa Kempinski, (as the prostitute, Carol), Daniel Steere (as Father Stewart), Yang Jiechang, Jesse Turits, Claire Hsu, and Fernando Pacheco De Castro star with Aurelio Voltaire (as Altair) in this dinosaur-morphing megalith of a movie with a prehistoric plot unlike any we’ve seen!

A local prostitute (Alyssa Kempinski) helps the priest (Gregory James Cohen) fight off ninjas

Wow! Just when you thought every combination of man-beast transformation had been done in a movie – and done again – we now have one that’s new and certainly novel. (The title alone gets a 10 for creativity!) Yes! Finally, we have a priest who turns into a Velociraptor! And, it’s about damn time! You can’t imagine how long we’ve waited for that at Space Jockey Reviews! We’ve seen Jeckylls and Hydes galore, vampires too numerous to count, and werewolves morphing to humans in packs. We’ve even seen seen humans become snakes, pigs, and fllies! But, never before have we seen a human become…a velocipastor! Is this a comedy? I certainly think so, and the tongue-in-cheek trailer (if not the synopsis alone) says yes, absolutely!

“Last night was amazing!” ~ Carol the Prostitute (Alyssa Kempinski)

Also, interesting are intentional grindhouse movie effects (or so, they seem to be), complete with a zoom-in shot, momentarily out of focus. Frozen screenshots emphasizing moments of suspense, with the movie title reposted and repeated (by a man with an Aussie accent, no less), further add to the movie’s retro, drive-in feel. Oh, and of course, there’s the obligatory kung fu and a hobo too! From the trailer (and the ridiculously-awesome movie poster), this looks like 1970’s exploitation cinema at it’s finest!

“Last night was amazing! “…you turned into a dinosaur and ate someone.” ~ Carol (The Prostitute)

Do we have questions at Space Jockey Reviews? As sure as stars burn hydrogen and moons have craters, indeed we do! What ancient Chinese secret morphs the pastor into his clawed counterpart? Will he survive the forces of evil, or will he become extinct like raptors before him? Where did the pastor learn kung fu? In China too? And his prostitute girlfriend springing from bed to kick ass in her undies – what’s her story? Will the pastor break his vows and, perhaps, divorce the church and marry the prostitute? Perhaps, carnal cravings of the raptor clash with human love and romance? As with any fossil evidence, missing links are abound – and the trailer is no exception. Get out your rock hammers and chisels, sharpen your claws and excavate what you can! The “Man of the Claw” is here!

Gregory James Cohen transforms into an evil-fighting velociraptor in The VelociPastor!

The Brendan Steere directed “classic-in-the-making,” The VelociPastor, will premiere on DVD and Digital August 13 on such platforms as iTunes, Comcast, Spectrum, Dish, Vudu, Amazon, Fandango and Sling. A Blu-ray release will follow September 17^th.

“I do drugs, sell drugs…murder people.” ~ an anonymous drug user, dealer, and murderer confessing, just before having his jugular vein torn open by The VelociPastor

For all of you dinosaur-loving Comic Con cadets, The VelociPastor is screening this Saturday, July 20^th at 10:30 p.m., in Marriot’s Grand Ballroom 5, at the San Diego Comic-Con! Check SJR for the latest VelociPastor updates, news, and reviews!